We won't sleep together?
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
