Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
i need some magic done to my vagina
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
