dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
