i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
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