White coat. Heels.
i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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