Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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