A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Randomize
