Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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