Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
