I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Randomize