Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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