wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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