I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
