and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
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