Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
