Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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