The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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