There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
