he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
