Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
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