but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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