I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
