Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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