I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
