He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
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