where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
