Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize