oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
whose ass print is on the piano?
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Randomize
