if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
