We won't sleep together?
Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
