My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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