I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
She announced her abortion via fbk
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Alive.
So much puke
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Randomize