i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
