i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
