WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
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