I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
