I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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