i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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