Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize