I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Even my vagina gasped.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
