If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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