My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Randomize
