They should really pass out barf bags in church
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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