I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
