you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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