I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize