what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Randomize
