also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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