Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
We left an ass print on the piano.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
