Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
he's gonorrhea incarnate
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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