you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
