don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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