I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
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