Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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