and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
