so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
