But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
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