He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
This is the high leading the old right now
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Randomize
