Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
