In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
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