I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
