so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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