I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Randomize
