Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
