i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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