This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Randomize
