Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
