I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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