I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
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