Do you still have your period?
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize