My liver just broke up with me...
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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