You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Randomize
