After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Randomize