jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
