We need to rekindle our bromance
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
