Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Randomize
