I wish I only lived at night.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
