His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
