Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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