...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
