I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize
