should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
