Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Randomize