I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
