they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
