I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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