you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
