dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
She announced her abortion via fbk
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize
