Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
