I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
