Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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