i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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