you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
