hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
