Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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