3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I hate all girls vehemently.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
