i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Randomize
