wat bout pragnant strippers??
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
My day in three words: secret purse cake
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
