when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
