Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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