I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
