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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I need to stop coming to work sober
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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